It is the only constant, no?
I have lived a life full of change, usually violent shifts, unexpected jolts, things from which I had to recover quickly. I became accustomed to this, and it became a comfortable way of life. Too much stability made me restless, like I was waiting for the inevitable chaos that would make everything feel “normal” again.
I haven’t worked my way entirely out of that mindset yet, and I find myself stuck in this purgatory of sorts – a place in which I recognize the constant chaos as being unhealthy, but have not yet embraced a life in which calm progression from one state to another is not only the norm, but better for every part of me.
The battle for growth is plenty chaotic, but it exists primarily within me, and isn’t influenced, or necessitated by, the actions of others. Sometimes the acknowledgment of growth is, but it is more an accessory to, not a necessary part of.
I’m taking my baby steps. That’s all I can do. And it’s enough for now. Thanks for standing by me as I do. Cuz this probably makes no sense whatsoever, but I know you all still love me. That’s pretty rad, y’all.
Not having caught Joshua’s flu. At least, not yet.
The means to provide healthy food and remedies for him when he is sick.
A job where it’s okay for me to come in an hour and a half late because I was waiting for a call from the triage nurse and making 8 hours worth of homemade soup, meds, juice, hot beverages, and Kleenex available to the boy.
Potential Melissa time this weekend.
Regular check-ins from Miss Lisita, whose life is ten times more demanding than mine, and yet she still always not only thinks of me, but actively carves out time for me.
I know you’ve got something awesome going on for you – share your gratitude!